Ahhh life....

When we were kids we were in a hurry to grow up. Then we did. Then, as adults we reminisce about the "good ole days" and wish to be whatever age all over again. You know what I say...I like my life fine right now. I am comfortable with my age, and I am enjoying pretty much every aspect of my life. I have great people in my life, I am focused on FINALLY finishing school, and I am feeling more confidence in myself every day. I don't want to sound like Susie Sunshine, who is she anyway, but I really, for the first time in a long time, feel truly happy.

I walk around smiling because of nothing and everything. I simply think of things that I have been told, or good times and I am completely happy. I have questions or concerns about something, and instead of being insecure and over analyzing in my own head, I just ask. When I feel insecure, or doubtful, I just open up and share those feelings, and they are met with acceptance and understanding, which is something I am not used to, and something I greatly appreciate.

I am finally in a place in life that I am comfortable with, content with, happy. I know, I use that word a lot now...isn't that GREAT?!?! lol...

I am in a place where I am looking at how to show those around me what they mean to me, I lost myself from that place for a while. I got lost in my misery, in my trying to escape the reality that was my life. I was so terrified of what lay outside of what I knew, that misery I felt trapped in, that I stayed way beyond what I was comfortable with, and became comfortable in the fear.

I can now look back at those times with hindsight, and see my participation in propelling that perpetual misery. I can see where I refused to stand up for myself, to say enough was enough. I can look back and see the toxic behavior that kept the fear and unhappiness moving forward. I can look back. It is my past, not my future, and not my present. It is my past. That feels so good to put out there. I have truly dealt with the idea that life is over, and the one I have now, is the one I choose to live. The life I have now, it is filled with wonderful friends, family, amazingly special and wonderful people that support me, and understand me.

I am working on fostering loving, healthy relationships with my kids, and with anyone meaningful in my life. I want my fairy tale, and I know I deserve it. I want to build a strong, stable, healthy relationship. I want to lean and be leaned upon. I want openness and communication. I want appreciation both ways, understanding, a bond that is so deep that it lasts forever.